Wednesday 7th January  11:59 am Good Morning

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Nelson's Column September Of Poles and Twiglets 9th September 2006 A new cuisine for the sophisticated London diner to experiment with Ahmet is Turkish-English. He was born in Willesden, raised in Istanbul, then moved back to join his family here ten years ago. His shop, The Hamilton Stores, 2 minutes from my front door, sells fresh vegetables, household goods, inexspensive booze, and newspapers, from eight until midnight every day. It also has lots of little exotic items that reflect his Southern European heritage: crunchy sweet halva, a huge selection of fresh spices, bright tubes of Harissa. A few months ago, these were joined, as they have been in almost every shop in the capital, by Okocim lager, aspic (last used in an English kitchen around 1930), a long shelf of pickles and perserves, and a large selection of salted pork products that sit oddly next to the Halal meat counter. A hand-written sign in the window informs the customer ‘Polski Sklep’ – Ahmet doesn’t know what it means, but he’s seen it on the windows of Polish-owned Delis and cornershops, and reckons it’s worth a go. The reason for the presence of all these odd new things is obvious to everyone: London has just seen the largest immigration in its history. The most extreme tabloid estimates suggest that as many as half-a-million Poles have passed through the doors of Victoria Coach Station, and while we should take these estimates with a large pinch of paprika, Londoners do clearly have a whole new cuisine to learn. My first experiments with cooking Polish (buy a few ingredients, hit google for recipes, invite sympathetic friends round) were not a great success. On the plus side, it did provide a wonderful excuse to drink vodka like students, and the Okocim was a cut above the horrible fizzy stuff that is the traditional drink of the British male. Unfortunately, a portion of Kielbasa Sausage with Sauerkraut and Bacon was delicious, but slightly higher in calories than a Double McLard Burger with Fat-Dipped Fries (or whatever those obese kids are eating nowadays) and the sour cream-smothered blinis were just as bad. For this reason, Polish food is clearly on course to replace light, pretty Japanese dishes at fashionable dinner parties and £150-a-head restaurants. With the London Fashion Awards planning on banning unhealthily thin models, a big plate of duck-fat soup is the only way all the anorexic Twiglet-women of London Society will be able to put on enough weight to be allowed onstage. And for the rest of us, it offers an excellent excuse for getting drunk. Na zdrowie, everyone! Return to Bender “Drinkers Corner, Brockwell Park, Herne Hill” received its first ever official delivery of mail this month. A postcard sent by a London drunk on holiday by the sea was successfully delivered to his chums sitting in the outer corner of a south London park. Penned by “Pete”, the missive informed its recipients that the sender was “p***ed as a newt” and “having a great time on the coast”. On the Thatchwalk London’s biggest display of fashion trends had an unexpected muse this year. The tailored suits, square shoulders, crisp shirts and subdues tones that adorned the runways of London Fashion Week paid tribute to the clothing Conservative of Margaret Thatcher and the 80s. Shoulder pad anyone? Height Club After standing empty and unused for at least a decade, London’s iconic, Grade II listed Centre Point building has won itself a makeover. The Tottenham Court Road tower is to have its top three floors turned into private members’ club, complete with restaurant and vertigo-enhancing views. Better sign up fast – celebs including Graham Norton and Stephen Fry are already eating into the members list. December 2008 23rd December January is on the Horizon 20th December Merry Christmas November 2008 26th November All The World's A Stage 20th November Surviving the Crunch October 2008 24th October Boris v Jingjing 17th October Soaps in Pole Position September 2008 23rd September Chips too Chavvy for Chelsea 16th September The London Restaurant Awards August 2008 26th August No Smoking, No Ducks, No Barbecues 20th August The Olympics July 2008 24th July Sandwiched Out 17th July The Show Ain't Over 'Til the Fat Lady's on Page 3 June 2008 26th June Love All at Wimbledon 16th June Miller Puts the Heat on Tennant May 2008 27th May Booze Banned on Buses 20th May Same Again? April 2008 23rd April By George 11th April Back to the 80s March 2008 28th March How do You Solve A Problem Like Medea? 20th March Flight Fantastic February 2008 20th February Dark, Satanic Turnmills 6th February A Diamond in the Drink January 2008 21st January People Wanted for Plinth 14th January Boo! Hiss! December 2007 28th December Tate That - A Hirst for Art 20th December Christmas Shopping November 2007 27th November Mind the Gap 26th November London On A Tray October 2007 26th October Leaving the Station 14th October The Sky's the Limit September 2007 26th September The Play Within A Play 19th September Fashion, Frocks and Celeb Shocks 12th September Saying Tanks for the Mammaries August 2007 24th August Heathrow under Siege 17th August Gormless 10th August Losing Face July 2007 24th July Are We Reaching Boiling Point Yet This Summer? 13th July Red Ken versus Blonde Boris June 2007 22nd June Last Orders at the Fag Machine 11th June London the Musical May 2007 21st May What Lurks Beneath 10th May The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of April 2007 27th April London’s Walk on the Wild Side 20th April Stand Behind the Yellow Line 13th April Like Water for Chocolate March 2007 23rd March So, Another Magazine 16th March Avoiding iContact February 2007 23rd February Sex and Art... 16th February C-Charge Protest Fails to Bring Down Government 9th February Live Earth London January 2007 26th January A Vote for Shilpa is a Vote for Britain 18th January Carriage on up the West End December 2006 29th December Food for Thought 22nd December A Poisonous Marketing Campaign 15th December In for a Penny, In for Five Pounds November 2006 17th November Big Department Stores Leave Santa Out in the Cold 10th November Failing to Save the World October 2006 27th October Frozen Prawns and Melting Icecaps 20th October Predatory Pelicans and Happy Woodland Folk 13th October Hope at last for east end of Oxford Street September 2006 16th September Lite the Blue Paper and Stand Well Back 9th September Of Poles and Twiglets August 2006 25th August Free Fares For the Fat and the Fashionable 11th August London Friendly 4th August Archway To Organic Heaven July 2006 21st July London - Celebrity Frat House 7th July Out of the Galleries into the Streets June 2006 23rd June Mayors, Nightmares and Marias 16th June Downright Rude in Paris and London 9th June Enter the Inferno May 2006 26th May Curvaceous Border 12th May Vegging Out April 2006 21st April The Camden Crawl 17th April Down the Pan 13th April I Want to Break Free 9th April Big Brother seems to have been left in a bar somewhere 7th April Don't Box Me In March 2006 24th March Political Correctness Reaches New Heights February 2006 24th February A Stadium's Tale: Cup Final Goes West 17th February Modern Musicals are Rubbish 10th February The City-Side Alliance January 2006 20th January February Sales 20th January Moby Sick 13th January Glass Half Full 3rd January Three Cheers for the Tube Station Workers December 2005 22nd December January Bites 16th December A Remarkable Year November 2005 25th November And a Partridge in a JCB 11th November Driving Miss Sadie 4th November Spam, Spam, Spammity-Spam, Shakespeare, Zorro, Chico and Rasputin October 2005 28th October Trick or Treat? 21st October We Don't Mind a Little Delay... 14th October Final Resting Place for Young British Artists September 2005 16th September Just a small urn for me, please barman 9th September DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!